Marriage-Assessment.SolvingConflicts.com

Get "back-to-the-basics" with your Marriage, Dating, Family, Friends, and/or Employment Relationships.

Solving Conflicts LLC Presents:

Automated Relationship &
Character Coaching Tool

FREE USE TO ALL GUESTS

Click Here To Buy It

Chapter Seven
The World's Greatest Battle!
(Part Two)

At the very heart of conflict arises the issue of dominant character strengths. Then, at the heart of dominant character strengths arises the issue of genuine and counterfeit strengths.

In this chapter, we are going to look more closely at these two to find out what is at the heart of them.

We have seen that the best way to identify a counterfeit is to compare it to the genuine. So then, in terms of genuine character traits, what is at the heart of them? It is true that love is at the very heart of genuine character traits. Love in all its many varieties is a very complex thing to define. So then, for simplicity, we will identify respectfulness as the specific aspect of love that we will discuss.

The first thing to look at is the idea of self-respect. Learning to have proper respect toward your own self is the first step in character growth. We need to have self-respect first before we can show true respect to others consistently. Without it, it is impossible to have a well-balanced character.

Self-respect is not the same thing as pride or self-importance. Self-respect is having a proper regard for your own self as a human being. Self-respect develops as a result of learning to take proper care of each part of your own life. It will continue to grow as victories are won in the battles of self-conflict. As it grows, respectfulness toward others will also grow. This is the foremost way to avoiding conflict with others.

So then, we must become more focused on respectfulness to others. This way, our genuine traits will become more active and useful. People get to know us by our character traits. They desire to see our genuine traits in action. As they see us using our genuine traits, they will see us as trustworthy and honorable people. They will see us as people who have a conscious dignity.

It is the lack of respectfulness. It includes both the lack of self-respect and the lack of respectfulness to others. Harm, injury, or insult occurs when respectfulness is absent. Conflict is the result.

Conflict is certain to occur when there is a lack of respectfulness between two or more people. A lack of respect is called disrespect. No one likes to be disrespected. Conflict occurs when two or more people disrespect each other. When only one shows disrespect and the other shows true respect, conflict does not occur.

Let's look at that closer. If Joe shows disrespect to Suzie, if she responds with true respect, then a conflict has been avoided. Now, it is possible that Suzie's feelings where deeply hurt. It is possible that Joe's disrespect of her was the beginning of her long and hard day. However, if she shows true respect in response to Joe, a conflict has been avoided. The moment that she chooses to give disrespect to Joe, a conflict has begun.

Does that mean that Suzie cannot address Joe's disrespect? Certainly, it does not mean that! However, it does mean that if she wants to avoid a conflict, she should address him in a respectful way. Perhaps it would be better for them both to address his disrespect when Joe is not already short of temper.

Once again, giving respect in response to disrespect is a certain way to avoid conflict. However, let us admit one thing! When someone disrespects us, it hurts! It is not fun to be hurt like that, and it is not fun to live with that type of hurt that comes from being disrespected. I kind of makes you want to fight back and get even... to even the score a bit, doesn't it?  But, that is not the best way.

Disrespect can come in all shapes and sizes. It does not make us happy when we are disrespected. It does not bring joy to our hearts when we are disrespected. It does not feel good. It makes us feel bad. It makes us feel uneasy ...or worse.

For this reason, it is very easy to pay back disrespect with disrespect. At times, it seems to be effortless to do so. Once we do it, it is easy to blame the other for the conflict. It is so easy to say, "He started it, or it wasn't my fault!" At last, in every conflict, both are at fault because both were disrespectful. It does not matter who started it.